X-posted from my Tumblr
For the longest time, practicing witchcraft was a quiet thing for me, but then again for most of that time I was mentally unwell, lacking in confidence and short on determination. I pottered through, enjoying my successes and sometimes just enjoying the process for the sake of it. My heart was a dull blade.
When outside of witchcraft I began to believe that I could sing, and began to practice to make good on it, it was only a matter of time before my voice became a real tool for magic. It used to be an inconvenience, an embarrassment, unwelcome. Now I sing every day for the love of hearing it, and make it a part of nearly every bit of magic I do. The last spell I cast, in the middle of mixing I began to dance with an object, suddenly feeling that not to do so would be a waste. Completely out of character. But having danced and not felt at all ashamed, I sang again, a piece I struggle with and only sing when I’m sure no one can hear… I didn’t even have a chance to think, ‘fuck the open door to the garden, nevermind that my partner is home’. I just sang it.
How many previous preferences in my witchcraft have been bred from self-doubt? The doubt that I deserve, the doubt that I can achieve or even attempt. From my experiences with depression and anxiety, the security in doubt is comforting sometimes. I definitely welcome the onset of doubt when the certainty of a grim future compels me to harm. Doubting the certainty of failure is a recovery step from depression, and I’m no longer so anxious about the doors opening before me. Whatever lies beyond, I’ll meet it with teeth bared.
But anyway - back to practical magic matters. I need to keep singing and I definitely need to dance again, and take a positive look at how I’ve improvised a couple of songs in the last week. I don’t play an instrument (yet…) so my mind turns to the ubiquitous rattles and bells. Yeah, feck it, let’s make something like that. Got to speed up the other crafts in my life as well - vulturing, wire wrap and beads, leather decoration. (Hey, look at that precipice right there…)
For the longest time, practicing witchcraft was a quiet thing for me, but then again for most of that time I was mentally unwell, lacking in confidence and short on determination. I pottered through, enjoying my successes and sometimes just enjoying the process for the sake of it. My heart was a dull blade.
When outside of witchcraft I began to believe that I could sing, and began to practice to make good on it, it was only a matter of time before my voice became a real tool for magic. It used to be an inconvenience, an embarrassment, unwelcome. Now I sing every day for the love of hearing it, and make it a part of nearly every bit of magic I do. The last spell I cast, in the middle of mixing I began to dance with an object, suddenly feeling that not to do so would be a waste. Completely out of character. But having danced and not felt at all ashamed, I sang again, a piece I struggle with and only sing when I’m sure no one can hear… I didn’t even have a chance to think, ‘fuck the open door to the garden, nevermind that my partner is home’. I just sang it.
How many previous preferences in my witchcraft have been bred from self-doubt? The doubt that I deserve, the doubt that I can achieve or even attempt. From my experiences with depression and anxiety, the security in doubt is comforting sometimes. I definitely welcome the onset of doubt when the certainty of a grim future compels me to harm. Doubting the certainty of failure is a recovery step from depression, and I’m no longer so anxious about the doors opening before me. Whatever lies beyond, I’ll meet it with teeth bared.
But anyway - back to practical magic matters. I need to keep singing and I definitely need to dance again, and take a positive look at how I’ve improvised a couple of songs in the last week. I don’t play an instrument (yet…) so my mind turns to the ubiquitous rattles and bells. Yeah, feck it, let’s make something like that. Got to speed up the other crafts in my life as well - vulturing, wire wrap and beads, leather decoration. (Hey, look at that precipice right there…)
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